And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP