a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.