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I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
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