Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.