Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Redeem this text for a blowjob
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.