Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.