Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
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I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Put some vodka in it
put some vodka in it
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Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend