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Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
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