They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood