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i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
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