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We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
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