We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?