mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
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What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.