I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying