cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
her vagine was all disorganized.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
She is in my trunk