batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just tell him i said nine months
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
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cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
her vagine was all disorganized.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus