is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
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batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just tell him i said nine months
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?