not ubering you a puppy
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now