her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement