i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit