Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.