The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.