There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.