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The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
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