Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.