Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk