UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party