Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture