There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
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It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.