They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo