Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
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I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock