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It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
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