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Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
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