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He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
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