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At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
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