They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.