I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.