Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Houston, Texas (832)

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.

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  (832): Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage. http://tfl.nu/2oqv
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.

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  (832): Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control. http://tfl.nu/bxmz
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?

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  (832): Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones? http://tfl.nu/bhpj
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.

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  (832): I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water. http://tfl.nu/tyil
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.

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  (832): Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me. http://tfl.nu/x609
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.

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  (832): I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella. http://tfl.nu/jiup
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.

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  (832): Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice. http://tfl.nu/bv8r
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.

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  (832): And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth. http://tfl.nu/hp91
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza

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  (832): Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza http://tfl.nu/lbxf
  Replies (9) Good night (1411) Bad night (1536)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.

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  (832): He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like. http://tfl.nu/ukkd
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.

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  (832): I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin. http://tfl.nu/0104
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.

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  (832): My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over. http://tfl.nu/z5ao
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.

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  (832): Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room. http://tfl.nu/mk1e
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.

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  (832): Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint. http://tfl.nu/g066
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.

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  (832): I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW. http://tfl.nu/ohwe
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