FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.