I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
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If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.