Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?