30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.