My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.