You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
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I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?