We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.