I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.