Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.