lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.