I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The power of my boobs compel you
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!