I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours