Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (805)

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  (805): View more from California

  I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

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  (805): I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly. http://tfl.nu/8ih5
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  (805): View more from California

  We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.

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  (805): We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened. http://tfl.nu/qapw
  Replies (20) Good night (9207) Bad night (629)
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  (805): View more from California

  they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate

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  (805): they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate http://tfl.nu/r0av
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  (805): View more from California

  Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"

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  (805): Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever" http://tfl.nu/wsl5
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  (805): View more from California

  Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.

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  (805): Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible. http://tfl.nu/a85b
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  (805): View more from California

  she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu

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  (805): she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu http://tfl.nu/ucad
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  (805): View more from California

  It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"

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  (805): It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!" http://tfl.nu/5h66
  Replies (38) Good night (7154) Bad night (699)
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  (805): View more from California

  the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.

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  (805): the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do. http://tfl.nu/fu0w
  Replies (21) Good night (7076) Bad night (1492) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.

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  (805): I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense. http://tfl.nu/syxd
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  (805): View more from California

  my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.

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  (805): my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad. http://tfl.nu/gbnx
  Replies (16) Good night (6768) Bad night (796)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!

  (805): View more from California

  God Bless America!

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  (954): Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day! (805): God Bless America! http://tfl.nu/gnt7
  Replies (134) Good night (6676) Bad night (1307)
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  (818): View more from California

  i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...

  (805): View more from California

  i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"

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  (818): i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday... (805): i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it" http://tfl.nu/3fjc
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  (805): View more from California

  You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.

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  (805): You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street. http://tfl.nu/uxg0
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  (805): View more from California

  Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are

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  (805): Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are http://tfl.nu/ste8
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  (805): View more from California

  the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie

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  (805): the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie http://tfl.nu/n8tx
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