I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
These 25 Rude People Ruined Movies for Everyone Else
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.