I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
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We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run