I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.