Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.