I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...