you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me