Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (805)

Last Night in California (805)

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(805): View more from California

I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka

(714): View more from California

I could

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(805): I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka (714): I could http://tfl.nu/hbcr

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Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.

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(805): Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message. http://tfl.nu/tlvz

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Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.

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(805): Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/3xan

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Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.

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(805): Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING. http://tfl.nu/oyjz

Replies (9) Good night (552) Bad night (212) Order T-Shirt
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I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras

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hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.

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(805): I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras (1-805): hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five. http://tfl.nu/dvx9

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If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived

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(805): If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived http://tfl.nu/668l

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Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.

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(805): Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock. http://tfl.nu/vnzj

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I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.

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Why do I even exist?

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(805): I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all. (805): Why do I even exist? http://tfl.nu/rs2d

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You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you

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(805): You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you http://tfl.nu/2235

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Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"

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(805): Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out" http://tfl.nu/3yx5

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Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job

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(805): Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job http://tfl.nu/ohjc

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I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace

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(805): I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace http://tfl.nu/uk2m

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Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next

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(805): Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next http://tfl.nu/au7a

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Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.

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(805): Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother. http://tfl.nu/ewkc

Replies (4) Good night (944) Bad night (286)
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not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone

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(805): not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone http://tfl.nu/iull

Replies (1) Good night (627) Bad night (199) Order T-Shirt

Last Night in California (805)

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