I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free