All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week