She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.