Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.