I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.