What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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