More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
should my penis look like a turkey
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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