I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.