That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?