What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?