I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest