I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.