Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (630)

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.

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  (630): What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday. http://tfl.nu/1egp
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  I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.

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  (630): I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts. http://tfl.nu/1rjt
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  Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird

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  (630): Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird http://tfl.nu/yn9e
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  Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.

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  (630): Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms. http://tfl.nu/uuzs
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  I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate

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  (630): I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate http://tfl.nu/l99f
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  Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)

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  (630): Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-) http://tfl.nu/n299
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  Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that

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  (630): Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that http://tfl.nu/h45m
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  This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax

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  (630): This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax http://tfl.nu/k33t
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  He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective

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  (630): He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective http://tfl.nu/wbyh
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  Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.

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  (630): Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren. http://tfl.nu/fimu
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  I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.

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  (630): I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence. http://tfl.nu/jyg1
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  What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.

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  (630): What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading. http://tfl.nu/kxg6
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  Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach

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  Me toooooo!! Margaritas

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  I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good

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  (773): Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach (630): Me toooooo!! Margaritas (773): I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good http://tfl.nu/3y14
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  As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.

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  (630): As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games. http://tfl.nu/gy2l
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  my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win

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  (630): my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win http://tfl.nu/ctc5
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