Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.