I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own