Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (630)

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  You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five

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  (630): You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five http://tfl.nu/ynd3
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  He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.

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  (630): He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me. http://tfl.nu/kvrj
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  its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it

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  (630): its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it http://tfl.nu/8bew
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  I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.

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  (630): I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME. http://tfl.nu/7nql
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  i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.

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  (630): i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other. http://tfl.nu/01p2
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  I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember

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  (630): I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember http://tfl.nu/77e3
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  Thank you for not boning my boss.

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  (630): Thank you for not boning my boss. http://tfl.nu/8tof
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  Congratulations on your lack of fetus.

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  (630): Congratulations on your lack of fetus. http://tfl.nu/ujd7
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  Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.

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  Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.

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  (630): Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me. (1-630): Pulling out all the stops on being a lady. http://tfl.nu/6gwr
  Replies (2) Good night (1207) Bad night (357)
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  Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.

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  I'm bringing the tv in with me.

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  (630): Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice. (309): I'm bringing the tv in with me. http://tfl.nu/mqt8
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  That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."

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  (630): That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits." http://tfl.nu/sgvn
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  I won't apologize to a one balled man

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  (630): I won't apologize to a one balled man http://tfl.nu/49il
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  REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"

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  (630): REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl" http://tfl.nu/5hw7
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  Drink for every country you've never heard of.

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  Fuuuuuuuuuck

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  (815): Drink for every country you've never heard of. (630): Fuuuuuuuuuck http://tfl.nu/g5f9
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  There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.

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  (630): There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win. http://tfl.nu/fnn3
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