I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.