i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
I'm actually proud
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He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE