How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?