Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (630)

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.

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  (630): Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head. http://tfl.nu/xpy4
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  I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.

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  (630): I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up. http://tfl.nu/oo6k
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  Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese

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  Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?

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  I love you bro

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  (630): Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese (312): Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard? (630): I love you bro http://tfl.nu/jz3g
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  230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap

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  (630): 230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap http://tfl.nu/1j0c
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  told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..

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  how did he take it?

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  not as well as i would have thought

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  (847): told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex.. (630): how did he take it? (847): not as well as i would have thought http://tfl.nu/nj94
  Replies (6) Good night (1357) Bad night (594)
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  When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"

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  (630): When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!" http://tfl.nu/oaz1
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  I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover

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  (630): I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover http://tfl.nu/rxwn
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  I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.

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  (630): I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks. http://tfl.nu/bpzl
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  I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk

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  (630): I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk http://tfl.nu/t8bq
  Replies (6) Good night (1931) Bad night (469)
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  They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...

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  (630): They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock... http://tfl.nu/p7g4
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  So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could

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  (630): So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could http://tfl.nu/zj3u
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  At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone

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  (630): At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone http://tfl.nu/tam4
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  Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze

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  (630): Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze http://tfl.nu/yikf
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  He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?

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  (630): He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling? http://tfl.nu/57n3
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness

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  (630): Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness http://tfl.nu/aq74
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